Depression can shove it.

I've been uncharacteristically quiet of late. Not as many videos, or chiming in on conversations on Twitter or Facebook. The reason is that I've been battling quite hard to stave off a bout of depression. I've been slapped about by depression since I was 14 and medicated most of my life to keep me on the straight and narrow. Most of the time I can manage it well and even more so since I stopped drinking alcohol 5 years and 32 days ago.

But very occasionally I feel it swooping over me and that's where I am now. It's a physical thing with me. I get unbearably tired, I resist doing normal things like getting dressed or leaving the house, then I start crying and can't stop. This can last a few days or a long time. It's debilitating, frustrating, and really really boring. I've got shit to do! I don't have time for this bollocks!

The odd thing is that I'm not desperately sad at all. Though I have lots of stress (who doesn't?) and some massive changes going on, I also have lots of lovely things to look forward to. I know that. I see that. And yet, it doesn't change this bastard depression from pressing down hard on my fuzzy brain. Depression isn't logical.

So, in order to try and stop it swooping in and taking over, I had a long session with my (chuffin brilliant) psychotherapist yesterday and he shared some useful insights, which I thought I'd pass on.

1. He sees depression as an emotional state (as well as a diagnosed condition). You can have clinical depression but that doesn't mean you will feel depressed all the time.

2. Opposing emotional states can't exist at the same time. For example, if you do something physical to bring on a specific state, it will eliminate the opposing one, perhaps only for a minute or two, but it's a start. So like, if you do yoga or meditation to induce a state of relaxation, when you reach that relaxed state it's impossible to feel anxiety at the same moment.

3. He thinks that because I'm in it at the mo (depression), it's hard for me to take action to boot it out. So... and this is a big one... GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS OF BOOTING IT OUT. Mechanically do the things that I know will help shift it. Allow myself to hate every second of those things. Allow myself to feel like those things are pointness, but do them anyway.

And the cornerstone of those things? Eating really healthily and exercising every day. For me (and of course not everybody's the same) I know that those things will 100% work, but obviously they are the last thing that I want to do.

So today is day 1 of going through the motions of shifting this arsehole depressive state before it properly takes hold and gets even harder to emerge from it.

Today I will eat healthily and I will go for a walk. Depression can shove it.